1. I'm letting two songs slide to get the list down to the original five. These two songs are the Biker Nurse's version of "You Can't Do That" (from the banned A Hard Day's Night) and Gayvid Hernandez's version of "I Saw Her Standing There" (the only banned song from Please Please Me). Why are you letting Hernandez slide you ask? Hold on a minute and you'll see.
2. Certain untouchable songs that were performed were so bad that they didn't ruin the original songs in any way. While I was upset that just about every finalist changed these already perfect songs in some way, some performances were so bad that it didn't even matter (like Syesha's, "Got to Get You Into My Life" and Battelfield Earth's unbelievably weak, "If I Fell).
3. Even though he sang a song that I allowed, it was great seeing Giggles McGee forget the words to "We Can Work it Out." I still don't understand how somebody (and I don't care if he's 12 years old) doesn't know any Beatles' songs. He knew this song as a Stevie Wonder song. I can understand someone not liking The Beatles more than someone not knowing any of their songs. Too bad there's no way he gets cut. Lousy little pixie.
4. Just so you know, Baldie McFakerock's (pictured below) version of "Eleanor Rigby" was so awful and unforgivable that I got up and left the room. I've never wanted to kill a puppy more than I did in the first couple seconds of that performance. Simon really let me down with his praise of this atrocity. God, even this was better.
Ok, back to David Hernandez. As we all know by now, Hernandez worked as a gay stripper in a gay nightclub up until late September of 2007. Well as I mentioned, tonight he sang "I Saw Her Standing There," after his intro video where he failed to mention his job as a gay stripper in a gay night club in his list of recent jobs. What's so perfect about this whole situation though, is how beautifully you can twist the lyrics of "I Saw Her Standing There," to a David Hernandez gay stripper in a gay nightclub version of this classic song. Below are the lyrics to this version.
Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present:
I Saw Him Sitting There
by David Hernandez
One, Two, Three, Four!
Well he was just seventeen
if you know what I mean
with a Miller Lite and frosted spiky hair
Oh how could I dance on another, woooooo!
Since I saw him sitting there
Well he winked at me
and I, I could see
that I had to start before the song was over
Oh, I’ll never strip for another, woooooo!
Since I saw him sitting there
Well my heart went boom
in the champagne room
that he rented for the night
Yeah, I danced through the night
and his pants were getting tight
and before too long I forgot where we were!
Oh, how could I grind on another?
Since I saw him sitting there
Well I love being gay
in Dick’s Cabaret
and my future’s looking bright!
Oh, he payed for the night
and he treated me right
thank God for all that Cocoa Butter
No, I’ll never be tipped by another, woooooo!
Since I saw him sitting there
Oh since I saw him sitting there
Yeah well since I saw him sitting there
---------------
I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group, and I hope we passed the audition!
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