I think Leap Day is as good as any to bring back Talkin' Talkies. In case you've forgotten, these are my reviews on new movie releases based only on trailers, commercials, movie posters, word of mouth, etc. I haven't seen any of these movies (and from the looks of this week's releases I never will) but that isn't going to stop me from telling you if you should or not. Please set your cell phones to vibrate. Here we go:
SEMI-PRO
What It Is: Yet another awful Will Ferrell sports "comedy" movie. Will Ferrell plays Jackie Moon (aka the same character he plays in every movie) who is a player/owner for the Flint Tropics (I get it!) of the ABA in the 70s. Wackiness undoubtedly ensues.
What I Like: I like Will Arnett and Andy Richter. Unfortunately, these two are in this movie and this movie sucks.
What I Don't: Everything about this movie (including all of the promos and commercials). Oh look - Will Ferrell fights a bear! Awesome! What's this? There's partial Will Ferrell nudity? That guy's body is so funny looking! I love it!
What I Think: I think someone needs to sit Will Ferrell down and have a serious talk with him so he will stop making these awful movies. I've had this argument with many people before, but Ferrell died to me about halfway through Anchorman (and was briefly resurrected for 2 hours when I saw Winter Passing). The reasons for this are many.
1. Will Ferrell is not good as a lead actor. The whole movie is taken over by the retarded character that he insists on playing all the time. He's much, much better when he isn't the main focus and plays the scene-stealer role like in Old School and Zoolander.
2. The awful main characters he plays are perfect sketch comedy characters. They're funny for about 4 minutes and then you get so sick of them you want to rip your eyes out with your toes. This is why he was one of the best ever SNL stars. Something stupid works so much better when it doesn't last very long.
3. His movies are so amazingly unbelievable. The characters he plays don't exist anywhere. Yes, I realize they're fictional and that these are comedies, but in a post-Apatow comedy world, is it so wrong to ask for some believability and depth from comedic characters? Methinks not.
Will I See It: I've already seen more of it than I wanted to, but if you really like Will Ferrell then I can't stop you from watching if I haven't done so already.
Penelope
What It Is: Christina Ricci plays (I assume) a girl named Penelope who has a pig nose or something and is probably ashamed about it for obvious reasons.
What I Like: I've definitely heard of the other people in this movie: James McAvoy (he's so dreamy!), Catherine O'Hara, Reese Witherspoon (who is just a grown version of some demonic child actor to me anyway), and Peter Dinklage (they're filming midgets!). So I guess if they got all of these people it has to be pretty good right?
What I Don't: I really have no feelings about this movie either way.
What I Think: It's a tweenish fairytale romcom. Not really something I'm that interested in, but that doesn't mean it's not good.
Will I See It?: Nope. Not when I can watch this:
The Other Boleyn Girl
What It Is: Yet another telling of the Henry VIII/Anne Boleyn story, except this time with 2 American actresses struggling through English accents. That's kind of a twist.
What I Like: I like The Tudors on Showtime. I think I'll watch that instead.
What I Don't Like: It's great I guess that Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson are starring together as sisters in the same movie. But unless either of them are in a cool movie like V for Vendetta or The Prestige, there's no reason for me to go out and watch them act like British robots for two hours.
What I Think: Like I said, I've already invested my time in The Tudors (mainly because I like to watch alcoholics act) and I'd rather watch this this story as from the power/religious point of view then from some sister vs. sister love story angle.
Will I See It?: No, but come March 30th, I'll be watching Showtime. Although, if Scarlett creepily smells Natalie's shoulder throughout the whole movie, then maybe I'll go see it after all.
William F. Buckley died today at the age of 82. In case you don't know who Buckley is, well he is famous for having a wikipedia page that tells you all about his life and what he did. Why does he warrant a post on this page you might ask? Good question. Here's why: Buckley once famously said that the Beatles were:
"so unbelievably horrible, so appallingly unmusical, so dogmatically insensitive to the magic of the art, that they qualify as crowned heads of antimusic."
Hard not to agree. Those guys sucked. Disgusting.
This statement added on top of his death automatically puts Buckley into the running for the First Annual Bad News/Irrelevant News Dead Guy of the Year award. He is February's nominee, and from the looks of things, he'll be in the running all year with January's posthumously posthumous nominee, Brad Renfro. Good luck, fellas!
For the first time in a couple of years, Failure's Art did not have any Oscars related posts. Normally I would provide a list of who I thought should have been nominated, and then who I would pick to win. After the show aired I would then provide an Oscar recap at some point in the following month. This year I decided to spare all of you from my angry nominations post and you should really thank me because it just would've been all about how Into the Wild was severely overlooked in many categories (as well as The Darjeeling Limited in Art Direction and Cinematography). Those posts normally take such a long time for me to put together and this past year would've just been too redundant, though I am happy with just about everyone who actually wound up winning this past Sunday. That's not to say though that there weren't some hilarious and questionable moments.
My original intention this year was to live blog the actual telecast (which would have been the first post at BN/IN), but since I went to an Oscar party in NY I just decided to sit back and enjoy and root for my picks in our Oscar pool. As it turns out, I lost by one point thanks to me picking Persepolis over Ratatouille and the Bourne Ultimatum sweep (if they loved it so much why didn't they nominate it for Best Picture - it had to be better than Atonement right?). Anyway, since this years awards set an all-time low in ratings (and since they happened two days ago), I'm going to keep this recap short and sweet. I plan on just talking about only the things that I feel are worthy for discussion, which by default means that they are the only things worth remembering.
SPOILER ALERT: I will only be talking about three things.
Red Carpet
By now I'm sure all of you have seen Gary Busey's neck rape of Jennifer Garner. Just so we all are clear here, I am siding with Gary Busey on this one, and for a couple of reasons.
Reason the First: Though I thought she was very, very good in Juno (or at least better than Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton), I don't like Jennifer Garner. She always tries to present herself as some classy and important actress, when aside from select seasons of Alias, her two biggest non-Juno movie performances were Elektra and Catch and Release. Wow! What a superstar. So some weirdo with massive facial reconstruction srugery oddly kissed you on the neck. There's a reason why Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are so perfect for each other - she's the female Ben Affleck.
Reason the Second: Gary Busey is America's favorite crazy person. Whether it was I'm With Busey, or his guest appearances on Entourage, or any movie he's done in the last 20 years, Busey has been (at least for those people in-the-know) the source for pure insane comedy gold. The only person who rivals him here would be Chuck Norris.
The real question from the whole Jennifer Garner incident though is - does she have any idea who Gary Busey is? I don't think she does. Watch the clip again and look at her reaction. Here's what she says once Ms. Seacrest tries to ask her a question:
"Aren't you going to ask me about being kissed on the neck on the red carpet by this man?"
"By this man?" "By this man?" Do you not know who Gary Busey is? What's wrong with you? You grew up in West Virginia for God's sake. Isn't he like a national hero down there? Do you mean to tell me, Mrs. Affleck, that you've never seen this classic scene from Bulletproof? He's your worst nightmare, Butthorn!
(you can stop watching after about 1:20)
--------------
Gaydolf Titler, your Magic is Real and I Believe in You
I thought that Jon Stewart did a great job once again as host. He and his writers didn't have a lot of time to pull this off, and I think it would've been just as good if they had that extra time to prepare. I really liked Oscar's Tribute to Binoculars and Periscopes, and much like every middle aged woman in America, I also liked how he brought Markéta Irglová back out so she could finish her part of the acceptance speech after getting cut off when she won for Best Original Song from Once.
Stewart's best moment though was his Gaydolf Titler joke from the monologue, but not for the reason you might think. While the joke itself was hilarious (and if you know me then you know there's no way I didn't laugh at this joke, since I've made it myself about 6,000 times), but the best part was when they cut to eventual Best Actress, Marion Cotillard's reaction in the audience. Now I don't know much about Cotillard (though if there was an Oscar category for Best Arms she would've won handily), but I imagine she isn't as fluent in English as most people who aren't French and are American. At the very least, she probably doesn't understand the American joke of throwing the word "gay" into names that rhyme with gay for comedic effect. This assumption becomes all to clear when they cut to her in the audience:
(start the clip at 8:08 on the clock)
After Stewart tells his joke, they cut to Casey Affleck and Cameron Diaz behind him cracking up. Right after this cut, we see Cotillard, sitting next to Hilary Swank (who normally cleans up in the Most Jacked Arms Oscar), turn to the person on her left and ask: "I don't get it - who is that?" I had to stop and rewind that section at the party because I could've sworn that's what she said. Go back and rewind it and watch it as many times as you need. What else could she possibly be saying? Something in French? Not bloody likely! Further video evidences proves that it kinda looks like she actually asks what I think she does. Marion Cotillard thinks that there is really a Gaydolf Titler out there and because she does, she is now my most favorite person ever. Congratulations, you've earned it!
---------------
Brad Renfo is Spinning in his Grave, or Coffee Can, or Whatever is Holding his Remains
So just like with Busey, I'm sure you all know of the other major controvery from this year's ceremony: the forgotten death of Brad Renfro.
Just a little weird backstory for you here before we get into it. When I heard that Brad Renfro had died, the first thing that came to my mind (after all of the sorrow of course) was, to quote my own thought, "oh wow, the poor man's Heath Ledger died." Little did I know at that time that one week later, the real man's Heath Ledger would die as well. Told you it was weird.
Unfortunately for Brad Renfro, he couldn't even step out from Heath Ledger's shadow in death, and we saw the most glaring example of this during the always hilarious Dead Man's Montage at this year's Oscars. Before the montage started I predicted that they would show Brad Renfro about 50-60% of the way through the piece, and that they would obviously close with Ledger.
Once we started seeing a couple of agents get mentioned I thought my prediction would come true. As it went on, however, and we saw our Suzanne Pleshettes and Ingmar Bermans get mentioned I started getting a little scared. Then all of a sudden Heath Ledger popped up being all gay in that gay movie he did, and then that was the end. The Oscars had snubbed Brad Renfro in death, much like they did in life after his iconic performance in 2006's 10th and Wolf.
Clearly this bothered myself and many much more than his actual death. Instead of giving you my thoughts though, let's take a look at how the Ghost of Brad Renfro (who was watching with the Ghost of Dan Fogelberg and the Ghost of Sean Taylor at their first annual Oscar Party) reacted to the Dead Man's Montage.
Brad Renfro: Be quiet everybody, it's about to start. Who invited Fogelberg? Was that you, Taylor?
Sean Taylor: Nah man, I thought he was the caterer.
Brad Renfro: Ghosts don't eat, Taylor. What's wrong with you?
Fogelberg: Hahahaha.
Sean Taylor: Shut up, Fogelberg.
Brad Renfro: Seriously, be quiet! There about 40% of the way through and they still haven't showed me yet.
Dan Fogelberg: Well that's good for you. Plus, you were one of the last deaths in their time requireme -- oh look, there's my agent!
Sean Taylor: They show agents now? That's crazy, yo. At least I made LaVar Arrington cry!
Brad Renfro: If you guys make me miss my part of the montage...
Sean Taylor: Who is Suzanne Pleshette?
Dan Fogelberg: Oh, she was great. I stalked her for about 18 months.
Brad Renfro: Shut up, Fogelberg! We're getting close. I think they might actually show me right before they get to Heath.
Sean Taylor: Where is Heath anyway?
Brad Renfro: I think he went to Benazir Bhutto's Oscar Bash.
Dan Fogelberg: Yeah, I was actually gonna go to that one myself, but Suzanne Pleshette RSVP'd before me and unfortunately, restraining orders extend beyond the grave.
Sean Taylor: Wow, I had no idea. Thanks for the heads up though.
Dan Fogelberg: No problem, buddy.
Sean Taylor: I'm not your buddy, Fogelberg.
Brad Renfro: Look there's Heath! I think they actually saved me for last! This is the crowning achievement of my career! Suck it Grisham!
Dan Fogelberg: Um...
Sean Taylor: I think they just faded out, bro.
Brad Renfro: Huh? What do you mean? Hey, why is there a Target commercial on? Do you think they edited me into it somehow?
Dan Fogelberg: Maybe if it was a Walmart commercial --
Brad Renfro: That's it Fogelberg! You're dead to me!
Happy Tuesday, everybody! Tuesday is a very important day in the world of entertainment because it is the day that new dvds and music are released. Every week I'll give you a short list of the select DVDs that you might want to consider purchasing. Every now and then I'll throw some CDs in here too, but as of now I'm more comfortable forcing my DVD beliefs on you than my music ones. So, here's the first of at least two lists of DVDs you might want to waste your money on, with very brief descriptions.
TVDs
Extras: Extra Special Series Finale - I'm not gonna say that it beats The Office Christmas Special, but it comes pretty close.
Buy it?: If you already have the first two DVD sets, then yes. If not, just get the complete series.
DVDs
Beowulf - If you like listening to a CGI Angelina Jolie doing her foreigner accent that she recycles every other movie then this one's for you.
Buy It?: If you do, don't tell me.
The Darjeeling Limited - If you like scenes in slow motion set to Kinks songs then this is right up your alley.
Buy it?: Wes Anderson (at least for me) equals an automatic buy. I liked this a lot more after I saw it for the first time. It's not his best but it definitely has the potential to be a "grower."
Goya's Ghosts: I'm not really sure but this may be a movie about a rapist monk.
Buy it?: Only if you're a fan of Natalie Portman's awkward European accents.
Video Games
Lost: Via Domus - There's no way that I won't be playing this on my PS3 this time tomorrow. It doesn't even need to be any good.
Buy it?: It's not canon, but it doesn't matter (at least not to me anyway).
Well I have some bad news and some irrelevant news. First the bad news.
Bad News: Looks like Failure's Art is dead. I haven't posted, nor felt like posting since October, and it hasn't bothered me at all. That site was fun for a while but then it just got too big for its own good. When thousands of people show up to a site every day they expect to be entertained. I didn't initially realize how hard it would be to entertain all of the people all the time, plus all of the success and notoriety went to my head. So, I'm going to abandon that site for a period of time, and focus my efforts to speak to a smaller cross section of this great planet of ours. Which leads me to the...
Irrelevant News: Since I have a 3-blog development deal with blogger.com, I've decided to start the final segment of my trilogy and this time just focus on entertainment. Now that the Writer's Strike is over I can feel comfortable about writing again without any fear of becoming a scab like Brian Daubach, or a dead scab like Cory Lidle. I must say that it feels nice to be writing again while not being part of the guild or getting payed any money. Old times, man. Old times.
Anyway, what sort of features might you expect from this site that are different from what you might've seen on Failure's Art? First of all, great question, thanks for asking. Well I can say that this site will focus less on my doings. Now I know that might be sad for some of my stalkers out there, and I do feel for you. Normally I would love to give out all of my information over a website, it's just that I feel the need to be a little more serious (read: not at all more serious) with this new project. While this stipulation knocks my personal information out of the equation (sorry BeardQuest), it also knocks out Baby Lentini (who has been knocked out for years now) and other characters from my life like the Twirl Master. There will also no sports related posts, though I would count on their being some weird sports references (see Brian Daubach/Coy Lidle above).
So, while all of that garbage is staying back at the old site, some of the other garbage from the old site like Talkin' Talkies, and my inexplicable awards show nomination snubs anger will carry over. Some new things that you can look forward to include more in depth television/movie/music coverage, a new segment I'm calling Song Dissection (oh, you'll see), and other random stuff I haven't thought of yet which will no doubt be brilliant.
While all of this sounds very good, I do need to give you some very important information. First off, in now way will I ever be breaking any entertainment stories like those blog rags out there. That's not me. I like to make fun of things without writing on pictures someone else took.
Second off (that doesn't sound right), I keep weird hours regardless of whether I'm working or not. What does this mean? Since I don't normally even begin to considering going to bed before 3 or 4 am, don't look for early morning posts, unless of course I'm drunk and feel like writing at 5am. Basically, you should just accept that everything will be on a little delay. With this in mind, expect an Oscar recap post at some point tomorrow.
Finally off, I'd like to explain where the title of this site comes from since I couldn't walk down the street without the public asking me what Failure's Art meant. The title works on two levels, with the first one being that entertainment news is normally either bad or irrelevant and is always taken to seriously (depending on how important you think you are).
As for the second meaning, for those of you that don't know "bad news/irrelevant news" comes from one of my favorite scenes from the original Office where David Brent approaches his workers by saying he has "good news and bad news" that he is getting promoted while most of the rest of them are about to get fired. In response, Brent's British version of Toby from the American Office says that he should've said that he has "bad news and irrelevant news." It's a lot funnier when it isn't described so poorly, and can be seen with a youtube clip, which I could not find. Instead, please enjoy this Office clip that I could find, and then sit around for a little while and wait for my Oscars post.
