For the first time in a couple of years, Failure's Art did not have any Oscars related posts. Normally I would provide a list of who I thought should have been nominated, and then who I would pick to win. After the show aired I would then provide an Oscar recap at some point in the following month. This year I decided to spare all of you from my angry nominations post and you should really thank me because it just would've been all about how Into the Wild was severely overlooked in many categories (as well as The Darjeeling Limited in Art Direction and Cinematography). Those posts normally take such a long time for me to put together and this past year would've just been too redundant, though I am happy with just about everyone who actually wound up winning this past Sunday. That's not to say though that there weren't some hilarious and questionable moments.
My original intention this year was to live blog the actual telecast (which would have been the first post at BN/IN), but since I went to an Oscar party in NY I just decided to sit back and enjoy and root for my picks in our Oscar pool. As it turns out, I lost by one point thanks to me picking Persepolis over Ratatouille and the Bourne Ultimatum sweep (if they loved it so much why didn't they nominate it for Best Picture - it had to be better than Atonement right?). Anyway, since this years awards set an all-time low in ratings (and since they happened two days ago), I'm going to keep this recap short and sweet. I plan on just talking about only the things that I feel are worthy for discussion, which by default means that they are the only things worth remembering.
SPOILER ALERT: I will only be talking about three things.
Red Carpet
By now I'm sure all of you have seen Gary Busey's neck rape of Jennifer Garner. Just so we all are clear here, I am siding with Gary Busey on this one, and for a couple of reasons.
Reason the First: Though I thought she was very, very good in Juno (or at least better than Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton), I don't like Jennifer Garner. She always tries to present herself as some classy and important actress, when aside from select seasons of Alias, her two biggest non-Juno movie performances were Elektra and Catch and Release. Wow! What a superstar. So some weirdo with massive facial reconstruction srugery oddly kissed you on the neck. There's a reason why Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are so perfect for each other - she's the female Ben Affleck.
Reason the Second: Gary Busey is America's favorite crazy person. Whether it was I'm With Busey, or his guest appearances on Entourage, or any movie he's done in the last 20 years, Busey has been (at least for those people in-the-know) the source for pure insane comedy gold. The only person who rivals him here would be Chuck Norris.
The real question from the whole Jennifer Garner incident though is - does she have any idea who Gary Busey is? I don't think she does. Watch the clip again and look at her reaction. Here's what she says once Ms. Seacrest tries to ask her a question:
"Aren't you going to ask me about being kissed on the neck on the red carpet by this man?"
"By this man?" "By this man?" Do you not know who Gary Busey is? What's wrong with you? You grew up in West Virginia for God's sake. Isn't he like a national hero down there? Do you mean to tell me, Mrs. Affleck, that you've never seen this classic scene from Bulletproof? He's your worst nightmare, Butthorn!
(you can stop watching after about 1:20)
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Gaydolf Titler, your Magic is Real and I Believe in You
I thought that Jon Stewart did a great job once again as host. He and his writers didn't have a lot of time to pull this off, and I think it would've been just as good if they had that extra time to prepare. I really liked Oscar's Tribute to Binoculars and Periscopes, and much like every middle aged woman in America, I also liked how he brought Markéta Irglová back out so she could finish her part of the acceptance speech after getting cut off when she won for Best Original Song from Once.
Stewart's best moment though was his Gaydolf Titler joke from the monologue, but not for the reason you might think. While the joke itself was hilarious (and if you know me then you know there's no way I didn't laugh at this joke, since I've made it myself about 6,000 times), but the best part was when they cut to eventual Best Actress, Marion Cotillard's reaction in the audience. Now I don't know much about Cotillard (though if there was an Oscar category for Best Arms she would've won handily), but I imagine she isn't as fluent in English as most people who aren't French and are American. At the very least, she probably doesn't understand the American joke of throwing the word "gay" into names that rhyme with gay for comedic effect. This assumption becomes all to clear when they cut to her in the audience:
(start the clip at 8:08 on the clock)
After Stewart tells his joke, they cut to Casey Affleck and Cameron Diaz behind him cracking up. Right after this cut, we see Cotillard, sitting next to Hilary Swank (who normally cleans up in the Most Jacked Arms Oscar), turn to the person on her left and ask: "I don't get it - who is that?" I had to stop and rewind that section at the party because I could've sworn that's what she said. Go back and rewind it and watch it as many times as you need. What else could she possibly be saying? Something in French? Not bloody likely! Further video evidences proves that it kinda looks like she actually asks what I think she does. Marion Cotillard thinks that there is really a Gaydolf Titler out there and because she does, she is now my most favorite person ever. Congratulations, you've earned it!
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Brad Renfo is Spinning in his Grave, or Coffee Can, or Whatever is Holding his Remains
So just like with Busey, I'm sure you all know of the other major controvery from this year's ceremony: the forgotten death of Brad Renfro.
Just a little weird backstory for you here before we get into it. When I heard that Brad Renfro had died, the first thing that came to my mind (after all of the sorrow of course) was, to quote my own thought, "oh wow, the poor man's Heath Ledger died." Little did I know at that time that one week later, the real man's Heath Ledger would die as well. Told you it was weird.
Unfortunately for Brad Renfro, he couldn't even step out from Heath Ledger's shadow in death, and we saw the most glaring example of this during the always hilarious Dead Man's Montage at this year's Oscars. Before the montage started I predicted that they would show Brad Renfro about 50-60% of the way through the piece, and that they would obviously close with Ledger.
Once we started seeing a couple of agents get mentioned I thought my prediction would come true. As it went on, however, and we saw our Suzanne Pleshettes and Ingmar Bermans get mentioned I started getting a little scared. Then all of a sudden Heath Ledger popped up being all gay in that gay movie he did, and then that was the end. The Oscars had snubbed Brad Renfro in death, much like they did in life after his iconic performance in 2006's 10th and Wolf.
Clearly this bothered myself and many much more than his actual death. Instead of giving you my thoughts though, let's take a look at how the Ghost of Brad Renfro (who was watching with the Ghost of Dan Fogelberg and the Ghost of Sean Taylor at their first annual Oscar Party) reacted to the Dead Man's Montage.
Brad Renfro: Be quiet everybody, it's about to start. Who invited Fogelberg? Was that you, Taylor?
Sean Taylor: Nah man, I thought he was the caterer.
Brad Renfro: Ghosts don't eat, Taylor. What's wrong with you?
Fogelberg: Hahahaha.
Sean Taylor: Shut up, Fogelberg.
Brad Renfro: Seriously, be quiet! There about 40% of the way through and they still haven't showed me yet.
Dan Fogelberg: Well that's good for you. Plus, you were one of the last deaths in their time requireme -- oh look, there's my agent!
Sean Taylor: They show agents now? That's crazy, yo. At least I made LaVar Arrington cry!
Brad Renfro: If you guys make me miss my part of the montage...
Sean Taylor: Who is Suzanne Pleshette?
Dan Fogelberg: Oh, she was great. I stalked her for about 18 months.
Brad Renfro: Shut up, Fogelberg! We're getting close. I think they might actually show me right before they get to Heath.
Sean Taylor: Where is Heath anyway?
Brad Renfro: I think he went to Benazir Bhutto's Oscar Bash.
Dan Fogelberg: Yeah, I was actually gonna go to that one myself, but Suzanne Pleshette RSVP'd before me and unfortunately, restraining orders extend beyond the grave.
Sean Taylor: Wow, I had no idea. Thanks for the heads up though.
Dan Fogelberg: No problem, buddy.
Sean Taylor: I'm not your buddy, Fogelberg.
Brad Renfro: Look there's Heath! I think they actually saved me for last! This is the crowning achievement of my career! Suck it Grisham!
Dan Fogelberg: Um...
Sean Taylor: I think they just faded out, bro.
Brad Renfro: Huh? What do you mean? Hey, why is there a Target commercial on? Do you think they edited me into it somehow?
Dan Fogelberg: Maybe if it was a Walmart commercial --
Brad Renfro: That's it Fogelberg! You're dead to me!
Dan Fogelberg: I'm dead to everyone.
END SCENE
Poor Fogelberg.
Thanks, and drive home safely!
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